etiquette for the modern movie goer
1. Previews are over. If I see your iPhone before the credits, you lose an index finger
2. Is this opening week end? Are these previews new? Shut your mouth.
3. Are you the only person in your group with popcorn? The popcorn noises are distracting and nobody likes you.
4. Is this a matinee in a mostly empty theater? Lets keep our distance. I actually do bite.
5. Are you confused by the plot? You’re probably not alone. Assume everyone is as dumb as you and save your questions for the end of class.
It’s not too complicated. But people seem to be oblivious. It’s like those silence your cell phone commercials didn’t even happen. Also, to whoever it was sitting next to us at that matinee showing of Alice in Wonderland; It’s not OK to bring sugar packets to the movies and tear one open every few minutes and dump it on your popcorn. You’re a bad person. Next time it’ll cost you a thumb.
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